"Uncle Bob: The Wedding Guest You Don’t Want to Be (But Probably Have One)"

Ah, weddings. The perfect day to celebrate love, eat too much cake, and… try to avoid Uncle Bob. You know the one. He’s at every wedding, and while we all love him, let’s be real — Uncle Bob has a unique way of making himself the star of the show when he’s not supposed to be. Whether you’re the bride, groom, or just a guest, we’ve all had the pleasure (or nightmare) of experiencing Uncle Bob at his finest.

So, for your own good, here’s a little “wedding guest etiquette” guide, because you do not want to end up like Uncle Bob. Let’s break it down, shall we?

1. Uncle Bob and the "Unsolicited Advice"

You know what I'm talking about. It's the reception, everyone’s sipping champagne, and there's Uncle Bob—lurking near the open bar, ready to pounce. “You know,” he says, slinging an arm around your shoulder like you’re best friends, “back in my day, we didn’t have all these fancy wedding planners. We just did it ourselves.”

Uncle Bob, no one asked you. You definitely didn’t ask him for advice on the seating chart, the cake design, or your choice of wedding colors, but there he is—offering his pearls of wisdom whether you like it or not.

Pro Tip: The only advice you need is to enjoy the day. So, unless you’re asking him for his opinion on the wedding playlist, maybe just nod and smile, Uncle Bob. Nod and smile.

2. Uncle Bob and the Speeches (Oh, the Speeches)

Ah, yes. The speech. You can almost hear it coming, can’t you? As soon as the microphone is passed to Uncle Bob, the rest of the guests brace themselves. Here comes a 20-minute monologue that starts with, “Well, I remember when Anna was just a little girl…”

Uncle Bob’s speeches always start sweet enough but inevitably veer into bizarre territory. You know, the kind of story that no one expected to hear at a wedding, and definitely didn’t need to hear. Something about the time he went camping with the bride’s dad or a strange adventure with the groom in college.

Pro Tip: If you're asked to give a speech, keep it short, sweet, and light-hearted. The guests came for love and laughter, not a detailed recount of the time you almost got arrested in Cabo.

3. Uncle Bob and the Dance Floor (Why Is He So Enthusiastic?)

Ah, the dance floor. Where the magic happens. Or… where Uncle Bob unleashes his “signature moves.” It starts innocently enough, with a little shimmy and shake, but then it escalates. Before you know it, Uncle Bob is doing the “Macarena,” flinging himself into the air with questionable enthusiasm, and honestly, it’s less "fun uncle" and more "please sit down for the love of all things holy."

He’s got moves. We’ll give him that. But at what cost? The entire room is watching, and your cousin’s kids are definitely Googling what “dad dance moves” look like right now.

Pro Tip: If Uncle Bob starts getting too wild on the dance floor, gently direct him to the bar. Maybe offer him a chair and a nice cold drink to calm him down. The dance floor’s not that big, Uncle Bob!

4. Uncle Bob and the Late-Night Drama

Here’s the thing: Uncle Bob’s wedding energy starts out strong, but by the time the last dance rolls around, he’s a little… extra. It’s 11 p.m., the cake’s been eaten, the champagne is flowing, and Uncle Bob is in full “late-night wedding mode” — which means the following:

• He's telling everyone how he "could’ve been a wedding planner" (yeah, right, Bob).

• He’s asking the DJ to play “Sweet Caroline” one more time (spoiler alert: it’s not happening).

• He's bringing out his own playlist and awkwardly trying to get everyone to join him in a conga line.

At this point, you're just trying to salvage your dignity as Uncle Bob loudly insists that someone “just let him have the mic for one more song.”

Pro Tip: When it’s time to wind down, gently herd Uncle Bob towards the exit with some subtle hints—like a last call at the bar or mentioning that the after-party is at his house (please, don't do that to anyone).

5. Uncle Bob and the "Free-For-All" Wedding Gifts

By now, you’ve noticed: Uncle Bob is very generous with wedding presents. So generous, in fact, that he often “misunderstands” the purpose of the gift table. Instead of just dropping off a thoughtful gift, he’s rummaging through his pockets to see if he has any old ties, questionable knick-knacks, or the random object he’s convinced is the perfect gift for the newlyweds.

He means well, but let’s face it — that bottle of half-used cologne and a vintage keychain probably isn’t what you were hoping for.

Pro Tip: Set up a designated area for gifts and encourage guests to be thoughtful with their gifts — that way, Uncle Bob’s contributions don’t get mixed in with your actual registry items.

So, Here’s the Thing: Don’t Be Uncle Bob

We love Uncle Bob. We really do. He’s family. He’s fun (sometimes). But for your own sanity (and everyone else’s), let’s just agree on one thing: don’t be Uncle Bob. Weddings are a time to celebrate love, but it’s also about creating an atmosphere of joy, respect, and keeping the embarrassing moments to a minimum.

So, if you’re a wedding guest, take some advice from your friendly neighborhood wedding planner — enjoy the cake, dance a little, give a heartfelt speech, and most importantly, let the professionals (like me!) handle the details. And if you happen to be Uncle Bob? Maybe tone it down just a smidge. We love you, but everyone will thank you if you just let the couple have the spotlight.

Now go forth and enjoy your wedding day, minus the Uncle Bob shenanigans. You’ve got this!