"The Tale of the Overbearing Maid of Honor: Helpful or Hiding a Secret Agenda?"
Ah, the Maid of Honor. The best friend, the sister, the ride-or-die, the ultimate hype woman. She’s there to help with everything—until, of course, she’s not. If you're a bride, chances are you’ve encountered (or will encounter) the overbearing Maid of Honor, who’s just so happy to be involved in every single detail of your wedding… but secretly wishes she were the one running the show.
Now, I know what you're thinking—"Wait, what? How can that be?" Oh, it’s a tale as old as time. A little drama mixed with a dash of good intentions, all wrapped up in a perfectly planned Pinterest board. Here’s the thing: while the Maid of Honor is supposed to be your right-hand woman, occasionally, she might slip into "boss mode" and feel a little salty about not being crowned the official “leader” of your wedding day.
Let’s dive into the classic scenario:
The Set-Up
You’ve picked your Maid of Honor, and she’s absolutely thrilled. In fact, she's already prepared a four-hour PowerPoint presentation about all the “great ideas” she’s got for the bridal shower, your bachelorette party, and oh, she’s already volunteered to help with your dress fitting. The enthusiasm is real, and you’re kind of loving how involved she is. But wait, there’s a slight catch: in all her efforts to be super helpful, it starts to feel like she’s not just helping… she’s managing.
Her tips? Always "helpful," but slightly condescending. Her input? Seems more like “orders” than suggestions. And the look on her face when the wedding planner steps in to take control? Oh, it’s golden—you can practically see her plotting her next "helpful" move, just to make sure everyone knows she is the one with the real vision.
The Secret Agenda: She Wants to Be the Queen Bee of the Day
Here’s where it gets interesting. On the surface, your Maid of Honor appears as though she’s just your biggest fan, gushing about how much she loves your vision for the day. But when you look closer, you might notice something… off.
She might question every decision you make—"Are you sure you want that color scheme? I mean, I was thinking more along the lines of…"
She might offer “advice” that sounds a little too much like “what I would have done if I were in charge.”
And when the wedding planner comes in, does she step back and let you take charge? Nope. She’ll subtly try to help the planner, to making sure everything’s “just so,” even if it means overstepping a bit.
The Helpful (and Hilarious) Advice for Brides
So, how do you handle this delicate situation where your Maid of Honor is almost too good at being helpful? Here are a few tips that will keep the peace, save your sanity, and maybe even get a laugh out of it.
1. Set Clear Boundaries (In the Nicest Way Possible)
It’s important to make sure that everyone knows their role on your wedding day, including your Maid of Honor. As much as you love her enthusiasm, there needs to be a little line drawn in the sand. You can gently (and humorously) remind her that the wedding planner is taking the reins on the day-of coordination. “You know I love you, but I’m paying my wedding planner to keep everything running smoothly. You’re the best at throwing parties, but I need you to keep your party-planner hat for the bachelorette, okay?”
2. Involve Her in the Fun Stuff (But Keep It Light)
Give her something fun and meaningful to do that keeps her busy without stepping on anyone’s toes. Have her take charge of the bridal shower games, help design the guestbook table, or choose the party favors. This way, she feels included, but she’s not trying to rewrite the entire wedding plan.
Pro Tip: Make sure to throw in a little extra “thanks for being awesome” as you go—nothing deflates a secret agenda like a genuine compliment. “I’m so lucky to have you, you’re such a pro at these things!”
3. Keep the Communication Open (And Often)
Sometimes, your Maid of Honor might not even realize she’s starting to take over. Keep the lines of communication open by chatting regularly. Express gratitude for her help, but also be honest about how you envision the day going. “I know you’ve got some great ideas, and I love your input! But, I’m feeling pretty good with what the planner and I have set up, so we’re going to stick to that.”
4. Let Her Shine—Just Not in the Lead Role
Your Maid of Honor is there for you, and she wants to be a key part of your day. Let her have moments where she shines, but make sure they’re moments that don’t step on anyone else’s toes. A heartfelt speech, a toast at the reception, or coordinating some fun activities at the after-party are all ways she can steal the show in a positive, supportive way—without trying to micromanage the big day.
A Short Story: The Not-So Helpful Maid of Honor
Let me tell you a little story about a Maid of Honor who tried way too hard to “help.” This one still makes me laugh (and cringe) to this day. (Note: Names and details have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved!)
One of my brides, Sarah, had the sweetest Maid of Honor, Jenna. Jenna was so excited to take on her role, and she truly wanted to help in every way possible. However, Jenna wasn’t just offering help—she was demanding it. From choosing the centerpieces to re-arranging the timeline, Jenna started “suggesting” things with such confidence that it felt more like a takeover than assistance.
The final straw came when Jenna “revised” the ceremony script to add in her own speech (without asking Sarah). When Sarah read through the updated script, she found Jenna had written herself into the vows—not as a witness, but as the one “who truly knows the couple best and helped make this possible.” Cue the panic!
Luckily, we were able to handle it gracefully. I pulled Jenna aside, kindly reminding her that Sarah and her fiancé had everything set up, and the ceremony was about their love, not a surprise plot twist starring Jenna. Jenna was a bit embarrassed (but totally cool about it), and we got back on track.
Lesson learned: Always make sure your Maid of Honor knows her role, and if she starts to get a little too involved, be prepared to gently (and humorously) remind her who the real star of the day is!
Final Thoughts:
The Maid of Honor is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, but when she starts leaning toward “wedding manager” territory, don’t be afraid to gently steer her back to her role as your best friend (and not your backup wedding planner). Keep the communication open, let her help in ways that work for everyone, and most importantly, don’t let her secret agenda mess with your big day.
Remember, it’s your wedding, and you deserve to have everything go exactly how you envision—whether it’s with a professional wedding planner or just a little help from your favorite people (who know when to let go of the reigns). You got this!
